loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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