you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
