I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize