8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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