where am i from again
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
