I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
