If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
