i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
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Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
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There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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