What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
