Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
