I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
