We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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