Have you finally orgasmed yet?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Randomize
