I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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