So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
