i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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