see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
