So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
