My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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