I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
