do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
