finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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