Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
