i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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