This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
