ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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