how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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