How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
