I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
