i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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