And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
