i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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