oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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