WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
