I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
