Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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