May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
