Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
