Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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