I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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