you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
