hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm jealous of your bromance
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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