Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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