I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
