I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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