The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
