when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize