I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
