Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
