This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
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It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
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Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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