I will die if light touches me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Drunk is not a location!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
