Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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