Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
