I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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