Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
