If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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