You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
