apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
