I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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