he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
