Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
